Question of the week 2/27-3/5
8 Comments Published by His Daily Variety on Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 10:11 AM.
I happen to get a lot of AskJared questions via email. Usually I'm on the ball with my answers, this one took me a second to think about and answer. I called him and gave him MY advice. But I wonder what the kiddies thing? So you guys take a crack at this please.
I've had a best friend relationship with someone going on 7 years now. Recently, I think I've developed feelings for this person in the past 6 months. I've been contemplating telling them, because a number of factors come into play...
1. I wouldn't want to jeopardize the friendship that we already have and make things awkward and/or distant.
2.I'm not sure if I'm falling in love with the person, or our friendship that we have.
3. Do I see the attributes/qualities that the people I've been involved with in previous relationships lacked, and things I would want in a relationship they just happen to exude (or I think they may be exuding? lol)
I guess ultimately what I'm asking is should I express this to my best friend? Or should I wait and see if these feelings pass over?
Life according to D
I say go with your heart, but know that if you decide to bring it up to your friend (no matter his response) you will ultimately change the landscape of your relationship. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to assume the risk of sharing that information. It could mean you lose a friend or in the least things change.
I am a fan of open and honest relationships. Tell your friend how you are feeling. You have years of history that I am sure won't be swept under the rug. You guys can work through that. It may just be a phase and something to laugh at another moment in time. You owe it to yourself for the chance and to him for honesty.
There are ways to tell your friend that can allow you to ease into it over time. You don't have to jump all the way in. Hang out together, just the two of you and casually remind him of how long you've been friends and let him know how much you value that time and the relationship. Gauge his response. If he's on the same wavelength, continue to hang out together. You don't have to put a name to it (like "dating), just two friends hanging out. What's going on with him in the dating situation? Is he available?
In short let what you have continue to grow, but in small ways continue to let him know how much you value what you have.
I think one of the biggest mistakes people make (men, women, gay, straight) is we think our lovers aren't supposed to be our friends as well (or vice versa). You find love where it happens and that person you commit to should be the one person you trust and feel comfortable around the most. If they aren't, it probably won't last.
Jared, that pic is hot. You could shake my tambourine anytime.
Keep your feelings to yourself.
i agree with bernie. take it one day at a time
I was actually in a situation like this and in fact I was on the opposite side where my friend of several years told me that they were interested in me. It was interesting because we had been friends for so long I kinda had an idea that he had been flirting, but I didn't know anything for sure until he came out and said something. We talked for awhile and decided to give being in an intimate relationship a try. I can tell you first hand, and if he were on here he'd vouch to this, that it was one of the strongest connections either of us has ever experienced on that level with someone to this date and our relationship ended almost five years ago. We aren't intimate any longer but we are still good friends. HOWEVER... I will warn that if you do decide to tell your friend your feelings, 1.)make sure it is truly something you want and that you can handle every thing that comes afterward because once that line is crossed things will never be exactly the same, even if you remain friends. 2.) If it does grow into something more than friendship, as in any relationship, make sure you keep the lines of communication open. Deception at the hands of a friend with that kind of history hurts that much more. When we broke up all those years of friendship almost went out the window. In my experience, although my relationship didn't go the way I'd initially hoped and I did get hurt in the end, I wouldn't change any of the good moments my ex and I shared and I came out a lot stronger in the end......Anyway I could go on and on but I will just say be careful, be mindful, and be sure because it could turn out really great or really bad.
You never know it could be your soul mate or just a learning lession if you go for it you may end up loosing your best friend or you dont you could pass up your sould mate. follow your heart :-)