I've become less excited about things in life, Is that age or some form of jaded demeanor? In one day I'll be sitting up close and person with one of my favorite singers of all time. That next morning I'll be flying out to Miami to party like a rockstar(Yes I said it). But from looking at me, you'd think someone I was into asked me some kinky sex shit, and I'd had to cut them off. All that to say is I'm not excited about Nothing. What happen to Christmas eve type excitement? Nearly holding my breath till that clock hit the midnite hour. The trill has gone,the trill has gone away. I've started to lack the desire for sex, and it dead end positions. Sleep is no longer a peaceful vacation spot, its restless, and reaping with dreams of dis…… My friend told me he was HIV+ after 8 months. I don't know how to react. You think being who I am, I'd be able to handle things like this on my head. Wait shit who am I? I'm a manchild with feeling, worried to death about my friends future. I want to run and hug him, tell him its cool. But I wont ever know how he feels, Lets prey!, not a set of emotions I plan on building. Ironically many of my friends are coming out the wood work, and allowing me to know there deepest of secerts. I guess they feel they cant tell me, cause of this! I'll write about it, shit I don't blame them I wouldn't tell me shit either. I tend to live on such a level of "it is what it is" I think other follow suit, most don't. I used to be such a lier because I didn't like myself, this is the only way I know how to live NOW. I have long legs so I plan to give my self one good O kick in the ass, and keep it going.
I don't know what happen to the joy/excitement people had when they were younger. It seems like life beats it out of them. Your lack of enthusiasm is completely understandable. You have received some pretty serious news and it takes a moment to bounce back from something like that. I don't know why we expect ourselves to be superhuman. Anyway, you have some exciting things come up and hopefully that will help you bounce back.
Could it be you're dealing with depression?....
I think that it is just a part of life. As we experience mroe and more of life, we become desensitized by the number of good/bad days, news, experiences and, yes, even sex. Is it anything to stress over, I say not. I would say to take the time to savor the good and seek the lessons in the bad and even though you won't feel as you did as a young child, you will have a better appreciation out of life.
So pseudo-bleak this blog. Darling, you are getting old and you ain't got no sunshine in your life. I know you are not the single kind of guy and having that "you complete me" happiness makes that Xmas Eve excitement come right back. You are at the point in life where there is a PAUSE. Work, Blogging, Podcasting won't cure what you got. Only time and new experiences will.
Keep the optimism going though, I'm glad you still have that cause once that is gone, the hell that we call earth can really take a toll on the blue soul.
Melancholy is a bitch!