Its about that time!
10 Comments Published by His Daily Variety on Monday, August 20, 2007 at 11:59 AM.
Lately I was sent an email, asking why is the theme of “Love” and its understanding so significant in my blogs as lately. Well firstly there is an approaching lunar eclipse in my love zone, which is sending Romantic vibes my way. LOL. No Love is universal, and I want my blog to always be a medium to converse, and build with one another. Not only in a homosexual frame of belief, but more so human, a universal understanding.
Well in that said! We will talk about the universal balderdash known as GAME. Yes balderdash, been trying to fit that word in somewhere for a while, okay I digress. So as you all know I’m in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. Everyone is asking who this fool is, I will not say! Why? Because all the gays know one another and I will not have some big mouth with one to many in them, going up to this said person and telling all my dang business. So they (Yes pronoun’s here) they will remain nameless. Well quick back story. I met this person, not under the best terms, but it is what it is at this point. I fell for this person, and they didn’t fall for me. So now I’m really just the snot to there tissue. Use me up, and toss me aside. Any O way. I get an email from said person, and they say they want to speak with me, and why hadn’t I called them. So I say, “My bad” I will tonight. And like the infatuated sap that I am I do it, goes to voice mail! I leave a message that I have practice 200 times in my head. Not to dramatic, not to weak. I choose my verbs oh so well, like I’m on the stand testifying at a Murder trail. I won’t get busted, my minds eye tells me. Knowing my feeling are embed on very syllable that leaves my orifice. “Love me, love me, love me, say you do!!!” Nina is the soundtrack to these gale force winds. I want for the return call, hoping every number that pops up is “them”.
Zilch, then a week pastes, no call from “them”, no email from “them”.
Well Low and behold, at 7:45am on a Monday morning; I get a text, a simple hello.
So now my question is, WTF. Not WTF is up with “Them” WTF is my issue.
I’m a man. And I know game, if someone wants you, they will just want you. I have yo yo-ed a many of people, nothing I’m proud of but it’s a fact of learning to respect other feeling, and how they view life, compared to your own view.
“Them” s GAME is good, but I’m tired, and I really feel like this is a game of Monopoly that started at 2am. It’s never going to end.
So my question is, do I tell this person I love them? And quick side bar I know they don’t love me, and before you send me emails asking how do I know. I once asked, and “them” said “What the hell do you think”, in the most surly manner, I ain’t heard surliness like that since (insert clever line here ________). “Them” doesn’t point blank! So do I tell this person, look I Love you stay AWAY? I already know the answer. I’m really living in my ego at the moment. I in a sense don’t want to admit complete defeat by spilling all my tender affection out, and “them” simple saying Oh! Well Holla back! Which intern is actually most likely want I need, right?
OMG I’m so tired of talking about “them”. I have a birthday coming up in a matter of days, and I have had a good talking to with myself, and I will not take this into another year of my life. It’s simple not fair. I have realized holding on to past thought of other won’t allow me to move forward with another. I was told by more then one person, I carry a barricade. Now why this barricade, I have to work out, and knock the hell down.
I blogged all of yesterday, about what I wanted to do in my life in that one year.
I want you guys to be me a favor, call it a birthday present, I want everyone who reads my blog, the comments people and not, to tell me one goal they have set forth, to better themselves. You can post it on here, or Email me. Jared.Shuler@gmail.com
So we can push each other to get where we all deserve to be GREATNESS!
I’m trying so hard to get out my own way. I love for you guys to try with me. Hand across the blog world. YESSSSSSSSS!
I would say if you know they don't feel the same don't set yourself up that way--especially if you already have in the past with no positive result. You are too much to spoil time with someone who doesn't realize it.
Jared,
I believe that it's your job to speak your truth. That's all we're here for. And unconditional love (which, really, is the only kind of love there is; everything else is an impostor) calls for you to speak its name EVEN IF it's not reciprocated.
We aren't supposed to say "I love you" to the people we love ONLY if they say "I love you, too." So what if he doesn't love you too. Your love is not contingent upon his. Your love is a gift that shouldn't be curtailed by your fears and/or insecurities. Love isn't a bargain or a trade or an even exchange; it's an expression and an action. And it must be expressed and acted upon.
Dayne said for you not to "set yourself up." I'm not sure I understand that line of thinking. First, why should you assume a negative outcome just because you've had a negative outcome in the past? Second, how does not saying I love you (especially if you DO love him) protect you from harm?
Wouldn't it make you a man of integrity and decency to say what you feel? What would it say about your love if your love couldn't trump your fear?
Always, always, always: CHOOSE LOVE. Even in the face of overwhelming fear. You'll be bigger, brighter and more evolved for the choice.
Trust me. I've been there: http://thisisthediaspora.blogspot.com/2007/05/sun-in-virgo.html
-Bobby
Bobby,
As I re-read your comment today, I think you are so right. It was super heartfelt, I'm going to take care of this!
NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! Mr. Jones I must respectfully disagree with your approach to the situation. Granted your response was touching and heartfelt, (and Jared I hope you haven't done anything rash!!!@#$%) BUT this SADIST of a person it not entitled nor should they even be priviledged to experience the vulnerability that Jared would reveal when expressing his feelings.
Jared: This person has shown his insensitivity and apathy with you in the past. And not to assassinate "their" entire character but this BEHAVIOUR feeds on a willing participant. So the issue remains that you feel the need to express your feelings, fine. BUT NOT TO "THEM"!!! Seeing that your BDAY is near and you wish to end this chapter, complete the exercise by writing a letter speak of your feeling and then burn it. Rip it up and throw it in the ocean, flush it, whatever. But symbolically bury and put to rest the matter of your love.
Yes, it is your life and the ultimate choice is yours but I feel that telling him will not close the chapter baby. It'll be more ammo for his game. More info to try to manipulate you. The way he was discribed, he does not read as one who enters relationships with the respectful, conscious intention of growth and expansion. His response speaks of one who uses them serve his own egoic needs, no matter who he hurts. He may not be aware of his intention, but that's surely what he's done right?
In a nutshell, I do a agree with Mr. Jones...CHOOSE LOVE...but choose love for you. And that means not subjecting yourself to someone who through their own obtuseness has devalued you. WHAT ARE U A MASOCHIST?!? yeesh... (im playing)
but once again,
CHOOSE LOVE
CHOOSE LOVE
CHOOSE LOVE
CHOOSE LOVE
CHOOSE LOVE
(then tell his black ass to get lost, smile)
peace....
ps: i do remember seeing a video blog of a young man telling the world that they must open their fists so new energy can flow....
When Jared is choosing to express his unconditional love, he is also choosing to be love and to love himself.
See, I guess I don't see love as a weakness. And I also don't see love as an expression of stupidity. I don't think Jared reveals himself as "weak" for saying "I love you." In fact, I believe Jared shows tremendous courage by doing so. In my experience I have observed that bottled up love takes us down nastier roads than love expressed. And I'd rather err on the side of the latter.
If his boyfriend truly is a jerk, a louse, apathetic, and manipulative as Inner Sight has claimed, then the issue isn't whether or not Jared should tell the man that he loves him. The issue immediately becomes whether or not Jared should be in this relationship AT ALL.
We make so many mistakes with love. One of them is that we don't express it; we don't announce it; we confuse it with lust or fear. Another is that we think simply because we love a man, we must also BE with him--which is not necessarily true. Some people are meant to be loved from a distance.
If Jared's boyfriend is all that Inner Sight claims he is, if he is beyond redemption and forgiveness, if he does not respect Jared simply as a human being, then perhaps Jared would be better served by letting him go...in love.
But I don't see at all how Jared's higher self is served by pretending he's not in love and by keeping that information from the subject of his love.
Jared's boyfriend can't do anything to Jared that Jared doesn't allow--whether he knows Jared loves him or not.
Now is not the time to be jaded. Now is the time to be truthful.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG “Them” is NOT my boyfriend, never was, it was someone I spent oodles amounts of time with. Then they break it off, and yo-yo me back in every so often, and I fall in like a penny to a well. Splash!!!!!!!! Deep, cold, and alone, with all the other pennies, that I’m sure have fallen for the same remarkable charm Boooooooooo me! OMG if “them” reads this “them” will think I’m nuts. Creator in the clouds, PLEASE MAKE SURE “Them” is too selfish to read my blog!
"I have realized holding on to past thought of other won’t allow me to move forward with another."
That hit me hard. Mainly because I find myself realizing the same thing. It was funny reading your perspective regarding your own situation because I find myself going through the same thing.
I've known this guy for years and have loved him since the very first time we met. Over time, I realized allowing him to be in my life knowing that I loved him and he didn't love me was consuming my very existence. I made the decision to cut him out completely without giving him a reason. Since then, things had gone well. I was able to think clearly and had returned to the rational person I once was. Now that he's back, I find myself thinking about him more than I should and in a state of constant confusion, worry, and frustration.
Simply put, I think it's best you remove him from your life and I think it's best you do this after telling him how you really feel (which is also something I planned to make clear in my own situation. This entry made that even clearer to me). Being honest, you have to be completely selfish in this situation and instead of looking at expressing yourself as how it benefits him, realize how it benefits you.
Being willing to confront your feelings head on and deal with situations instead of running away from them is a level of maturity I know I need to achieve. Maybe it's a level you also need to reach.
Simply disassociating yourself with him isn't going to stop yourself from thinking about him. His presence won't be a constant reminder of the feelings you have for him, but the minute you see one another again, the feelings will come back. Expressing how you feel and citing that as the reason you can no longer engage in a relationship with him gives you peace of mind. Because from that point on, he knows the situation and it puts the burden on him. You really cannot control what you can't control and the feelings you have for him are just that. Simply cutting him out doesn't do you any good and in fact, turns you into the bad guy. You want him to know the situation as it will become is the result of him.
Though when you have this conversation, you have to have it firm in your own mind that you're no longer going to deal with him. You can't tell him you're no longer going to continue a relationship with him while still answering his phone calls and responding to his texts.
Good luck to both of us, lol.
sigh....so yeah. I think its a collective agreemnent that you must deal with this issue head on. Let me re-position my stance on the issue and agree with Jimmy that you must confront "them". My original resistance to the notion of you having contact with this individual was because I thought it wasn't based soley on the need to communicate the Truth. There seemed to be "something else".
Hope.
Hope, that after you communicated your love, the ice around this person's heart would melt, while the son emerges between parted clouds and the birds start chirping...you get the picture.
I think its imperative that no matter what measure is taken its communicated to this individual that they no longer have the authority nor the space to transgress boundaries in most your sacred areas. Your heart and mind.
The other resistance I felt was born out of a belief that only those who act honourably warrant honourable interactions. In other words he wasn't worth the good time you would have spent chatting with him. Would he have mirrored you properly? Acknowledge or validate your admission? Granted, being strong within ones vulnerability is a very courageous and noble act, but why cast your pearls to swine?...
so in closing, we all wish u the best. Kudos to all my intellectually sharp brothers. And let us know it all turns out Jared. We're rooting for you.
PS: I'll shoot u an email about some of my goals....
Oh I love all my well read Brothers, coming to provide a helping hand, to the loser I'm being for "Them". Side bar I will talk to "Them" before Thursday The BIG day. And if "them" ain't in my damn bed that night, I will no longer bring "them" up! DEAL? DEAL!
Hi my name is Charles
Hey Honey I can relate to your pain all to well. . I had been hurt in my day too. As Nina would say you got it bad and bad aint good. Trust me I know the Nina playlist backwards and forward.
My New Year’s resolution is/ was the following:
1) To learn love myself & my life Unconditionally.
2) To make a difference in this world by living a life of service.
So when my final days roll around I know I did everything in my power to make this world a better place.
Do selfless things like: feed the homeless, or volunteer at a nursing home. Find something that effects you.
Just get out there and start making a difference then ones problems don’t look so big anymore.
3) To remember even in the darkest moments to always look for what is good about this.
4) Avoid searching for love try to let love find you. It’s every where friends & family, on the smiling faces of strangers, in the mirror staring back at ya, even your pets.
Don’t put up with people who are reckless your heart.
5) Remember you are perfect in every way and this them isn’t worth the sweat off your fill in the if them cant see how truly amazing you are. Have an amazing love affair with your self-all the rest will fall into place.
Lots of love & Good luck with everything keep being a blessing and may you be blessed.
0:-)
Charles