H i s d a i l y v a r i e t y

I hate sounding needy, but I’m in requirement of a hug.
Let me explain. Anyone that knows me personally knows that I once upon a time was working for a Billion doll er Media company, sitting pretty, collecting my check.
Well my ego and my boredom, made a horrible decision for me. It said “Jared its time to move on.” So in my human reaction, I decided to live in Ego. The most damaging of emotions. I live my life in a way, as if I feel I’m not growing, I will not stay immobile. I most grow. The part that ego played was I jumped and ran, to any open door there was. This leap, has taught me something I never ever will forget, it simple isn’t always easier on the other side. As I think back, ironically enough one of my favorite songs, it’s by this artist name Amel Larrieux called Gills and Tails.

It’s the lovely story of a young lady out on a wonderful beautiful day, on her fishing boat, and she looks down in the water, and see’s all the fish , playing, and swimming, and in there schools. So she decides to jump in the water, and chill with. Basically to see how it is down there. It doesn’t take her long to realize as she is chilling. The fish are mean they are biting her, the larger ones are bulling the smaller fish, and then she realizes no matter how beautiful it looked, it’s no better. So she simple says. “Can I come up for air?”

Gills and Tails
i looked at my reflection in the water
thought what an unlikely pair
closed my eyes, held my breath, plummeted down,down,down
and anchored myself there

can't tell how long i've been
in the company of gills and tails
i think i feel my skin
growing scales

chorus
can i come up for air
can i come up, can come up


i'm gettin' eaten up down here
i'm just not built like them
the big fish have a monopoly
the little fish get buried in the sand

this here world i'm in
sucks your life out, leaves you comatose
take back your salt and fins
send me a lifeboat

i look up at longing at the surface
hypnotized by the way the sunlight seems to ride each ripple
and they do a dance
every ray becomes a beckoning hand
i miss the sweet taste of oxygen
i mistook this for the promised land


That is where I am! The points of this blog are two things. Learning Placement, which I will explain, and learning by design which I will also try to explain. When I walked into the matter that I am in now. I got no indication of it being a negative thing. It seems to open its arms with affection, and I was thinking I was so in need of some form of revolutionize, or some need of stepping stone, I walked in eyes blocked. I was wanted, and I wanted to be wanted! Like a key to a lock. It was just what the doctor ordered. But as we all know, every key isn’t for every lock. The place I am in now, has almost broken my sprit, has made me disheartened, has make me tense, has made me weep, has made me ill, but what I have gained is an understanding of placement. All these things I feel, I needed to, because I had become to complacent in my old life. This has woken me up to see that the world isn’t shiny and pretty, or fair. I have learned to place all these emotions that I have been forced to feel into a positive, they are nothing more then growing pains, life simple pulling me. So I can in turn be strong and mighty.

This “matter” is also by design. You know when you go to old school church people, and they say it’s already written. They have it right to a point. Certain parts of life are made by design. We all have stories. Maybe how you met your lover, or your best friend. It was a point in life that was made to take place. The key to it is learning how to pimp it outside of design. Yes we are inclined to have certain relationships horrific or excellent. Some time we are intended to have shitty parents. That was design! But pimping it is to shower your children with love. Get it? In one of my cases of design. I know what it is to be truly loved, by a partner, no if ands or buts, I know what Love is! That is by design. So now when in a relationship, I know what and what not is love. So simple I don’t waste ample time looking for something, when my focus can be other places. That’s pimping it! Get it?

I am in the matter I have to deal with now, to learn its ok to stand still at times. Learn to live past my ego, and keep my heart and mind on my goals I have set ahead. Learning placement, and try to acclimate ones self to realizing the moments of design, and learning how to pimp everything else around them.

If anyone needs me to explain what in the Sam hell I am talking about, please ask.