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JARED’s Dating {and stop being your own worst enemy} Challenge!

Ok so I’m trying something NEW! Life lesson #1.
I have as recently notice, that my jump off’s
Are all starting to get in relationships. Now me being who I am, I like to leave an open relationship with these said Individual. We always see each others as friends, and can speak openly about what is always currently going on in our lives.

I received an IM from one today!

M (10:00:26 AM): Hey
bluestory (10:00:46 AM): hello
M (10:00:55 AM): How are you?
bluestory (10:01:06 AM): I’m well and u
M (10:02:55 AM): Pretty good
M (10:05:27 AM): How are things--work, life?
bluestory (10:06:00 AM): ok
bluestory (10:06:22 AM): working towards Africa
M (10:06:31 AM): Ahh yes
M (10:06:37 AM): good good
M (10:06:52 AM): Are you still with that guy?
bluestory (10:07:04 AM): lol
bluestory (10:07:06 AM): what guy
bluestory (10:07:13 AM): I aint been dating anyone
bluestory (10:07:17 AM): at all
M (10:10:02 AM): mmhmm
bluestory (10:10:30 AM): I aint seeing anyone
bluestory (10:10:34 AM): if u like to know
bluestory (10:10:36 AM): lol why
M (10:12:01 AM): just wonderin
bluestory (10:12:09 AM): oh ok
bluestory (10:12:15 AM): well now u know
M (10:12:39 AM): now I do
M I recently found myself in a love triangle
M (10:13:06 AM): where I was the other woman
bluestory (10:13:18 AM): Lawd
bluestory (10:13:22 AM): it happens to us all
M(10:13:25 AM): and both guys were friends of mine
bluestory (10:13:25 AM): aint cute
bluestory (10:13:34 AM): so u where the Hoe
M (10:13:37 AM): well, ones more than a friend now
M (10:13:43 AM): apparently
M (10:14:00 AM): a little less black and white than that
bluestory (10:14:34 AM): so whats the issue?
M (10:15:25 AM): well, their 3 yr relationship has been fallking a part for awhile and pretty much coming to a close
M (10:15:55 AM): and somehow me and one of them started something before they officially ended
M (10:16:06 AM): remember that day I called you last week?
bluestory (10:16:30 AM): yes
bluestory (10:18:05 AM): it was that boy u where with
M (10:18:33 AM): yes
M (10:18:46 AM): but that was before we knew we'd become intimate
M (10:18:56 AM): it was so not the intention
M (10:19:07 AM): he was there with his job for a few days
bluestory (10:19:50 AM): U like him?
M (10:20:09 AM): an incredible amount
M (10:20:14 AM): but who knows
M (10:20:25 AM): that never means anything apparently
bluestory (10:20:37 AM): awwww
M (10:20:42 AM): he is pretty great though
bluestory (10:20:43 AM): to bad it started out in shit
M (10:20:53 AM): yea
M (10:21:29 AM): but shit helps grow stuff right? like fertilizer
M(10:21:37 AM): so who knows lol
bluestory (10:21:54 AM): well
bluestory (10:21:57 AM): it can
bluestory (10:22:00 AM): But
bluestory (10:22:14 AM): and u are talking to me about this for a reason
bluestory (10:22:20 AM): cause u know Ill be real
bluestory (10:22:25 AM): I have learned
M (10:22:31 AM): NO!
bluestory (10:22:44 AM): if it starts in some shit it will end in some shit
bluestory (10:22:47 AM): BUT
bluestory (10:22:50 AM): at times
bluestory (10:22:55 AM): u can over come that
bluestory (10:23:00 AM): Just babe
M (10:23:01 AM): 'I agree
bluestory(10:23:06 AM): always remember
M (10:23:08 AM): Jay and I started in shit
M (10:23:13 AM): that lasted two years
bluestory (10:23:25 AM): are u still with Jay?
M (10:24:47 AM): thats a moot point
M (10:24:53 AM): i had a career here
M (10:24:57 AM): he had one somewhere else
M(10:25:22 AM): it didn't end in shit by any definition
M (10:25:26 AM): just had to stop
M (10:25:56 AM): i like the word moot
bluestory (10:26:55 AM): Look go with your heart
bluestory (10:27:05 AM): u may have something to learn here
bluestory (10:27:21 AM): and if anyone can deal with u
bluestory (10:27:25 AM): more power to him
bluestory (10:27:28 AM): JOKES
bluestory (10:27:32 AM): your a lovely man
bluestory (10:27:35 AM): Side bar
bluestory (10:27:42 AM): all my sex friends are getting men
bluestory(10:27:44 AM): WTF
M (10:28:54 AM): lol
M(10:29:08 AM): am i a sex friend?
bluestory (10:29:16 AM): u where
bluestory (10:29:22 AM): we did it when we wanted
bluestory (10:29:29 AM): no issues
bluestory (10:29:34 AM): we love each other
bluestory (10:29:37 AM): Yea
thabluestory78 (10:29:41 AM): a sex friend
M (10:29:54 AM): hmm
M (10:29:59 AM): i guess thats okay
bluestory (10:30:04 AM): yea
bluestory (10:30:09 AM): we are grown
bluestory (10:30:12 AM): and its good
bluestory (10:30:14 AM): why not?

My whole point is after having this enlightening convo I have come to a mammoth conclusion. But first I will give you a little back ground people constantly ask me why I don’t have a companion. I tend to brush it off it one of the 3 replies.

1. No one wants me! {Not true}
2. Men are intimidated by my personality {Partly true, but no where to the end that I make it}
3. I’m a surly evil bitch (for lack of better terms), {this is also true at times, you just have to know how you hush me up, and BTW I’m given away trade secrets here}.

Now seeing that some of this may be true indeed, it shouldn’t stop me from having a healthy free spirited, loving relationship right? I have been over the why’s a million and ten times, with my friends, co-workers, pimps, cabbies, homeless, everyone! But if anything I’m so not about why anymore. One can why there whole life away. When do we come together and crack this Mother F*%$ing code. NO MORE WHY’s!
Doesn’t it scare the shit out of people, that want to be in relationships, that there are ill to none. Do we simple brush it off like I do with my N/A answers? Dialoguing in our own minds “Oh he/she will come”.
My favorite is “When you least expect it”. Look I say if you aint looking, how do you plan to find something. I may be wrong, but no one can seems to give me a concrete answer on this one, so I’m going to take it upon my self.

In trying something different I will make myself the Guinea pig.

THIS WILL BE CALLED: Drum roll……. JARED’s Dating {and stop being your own worst enemy} Challenge!

1. I will no longer give these lame ass N/A reasons for being single. I will simple go with. “It has not happen yet”
2. I will only speak positive about relationship, as well as write beautiful poems, and odes to being in love. I’m positive about every other damn thing, there is no just reason for me to demonize Love with it comes to having a partner!
3. I will be more open to dating, and WHEN and I mean WHEN someone says or does something stupid. I will laugh it off, and realize its ok. They are human, if I can be a surly bitch, they can be a little dense.

So who is down with the challenge? Let’s all take a minute and stop faulting the world for our relationship issues. We will permit our selves to hold a mirror eye level and deprogram ourselves from our past, and look toward our futures. YES for the self help speech.

If you like to Simple Sign up for the “JARED dating Challenge, leave a comment, and I will get back to you!




Sign up now, and we will explore other matters to get out your own way later.

13 Responses to “JARED’s Dating {and stop being your own worst enemy} Challenge!”

  1. # Anonymous Anonymous

    I just wanted to comment on this post. You mention that all of your "jump-off's" are getting relationships and you're having trouble getting one of your own. Jumping down to the comment you made about when people say how you find something when you're not looking and you never understood why people said that. Well, this may sound a bit odd but if the majority of your jump-off's are finding relationships, you may have come across and passed on "that guy" because your intenetions may have been just for the sex but you weren't LOOKING for a relationship with these dudes. If they are in relationships than chances are that deep down they were probably in the same boat you are in now but they looked at their situation differently with the next guy and are now in their relationships. While you were with these guys you weren't LOOKING for a relationship but the potential for something more to develop with one of the guys may have been there. It's kind of like the movie Pretty Woman in a way, with a little twist if you know what I mean. I hope you do. Look back at the IM conversation you posted and just flip your name with the name of the other person you were conversing with and alot will be revealed. I know I saw alot when I did that. Try it :-) Keep this engine going and good luck with the challenge! B  

  2. # Blogger Spencer Grant

    Thank you, for opening up a medium to talk about this subject, lets go for it!  

  3. # Anonymous Anonymous

    It's B. from the previos post.
    I just don't want you to feel as though life is dealing you the wrong cards when it comes to nuturing relationships. Some of those vices that you said you have alot of us have. Personally, I don't believe in soul mates, and I don't believe that opposities attract which has made alot of people think that I'm this cold hearted dude but that's just me and alot of others may think the same way. Finding an equal withought an ego may be hard to find but that person is out there and is probably posting the same thing on their blog. B.  

  4. # Anonymous Anonymous

    So good man, i was hoping to run into you somewhere but since that hasn't happened as yet, let's try blog flirting...
    A guy needs a better, more private way of contacting u...

    suggestions?

    -A  

  5. # Blogger Spencer Grant

    LOL, it anyone needs to contact me
    its Jared.Shuler@gmail.com  

  6. # Blogger Juan4u2know

    Just wanted to comment on the issue of dating. I was finding it very difficult to find someone that wanted to commit to dating. I am no longer on the scene, I am now focused on adopting a child, and changing careers. When I was in a slump, a fried (lenoirbrutha) shared his Mission Statement for Dating with me, and I would like to share it with you: A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When inthe midst of all of your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out--Enough! I have realized that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for someone to change or for happiness, saftey, and security to come galloping over the next horizon. I have come to terms with the fact that hi is not Prince Charming and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with me. I have awakened to the fact that I am not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what I am. I have learned that people do not always say what they mean or mean what they say. I have stopped judging and pointing fingers, and I have learned to accept people as they are. I have sifted through all that I have been fed about how I should behave, how I should look and how much a person should weigh; what a person should wear, and where a person should shop, and what I should drive, and how/where a person should live, and what a person should do for a living. I have learned that I will not be more attractive, more intelligent, more loveable or more important because of the person I have on my arm. I have come to the realization that I deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect. I will not settle for less. I will only allow the hands of a lover who cherishes me, to satisfy me with his touch. I have learned that anything worth achieving is worth working for and tht wishing for something to happen is different from working towards making it happen. I have learned that life is not always fair, and I don't always get what I think I deserve. On these occassions, I have learned not to personalize things. I have learned to admit when I am wrong, and to build bridges instead of walls. With courage in my heart, and God directing my path, I begin to design the live I want to live as best as I can.  

  7. # Blogger Spencer Grant

    Juan4u2know,
    That was perfect! Thank you for walking in and saying what was on your heart. I hope people can take something wonderful from it.  

  8. # Anonymous Anonymous

    I like this post of yours. It brings about a topic that we had a many IM conversation about. And on my few visits to your a topic that brought about many theroys on the walks and talks that we had as u took me on tours of the city. Needsless to say there in no sure fire way to answer this age old wonder. I think it happends in so many diffent ways for so many differnt people. I do believe that u have to ne in some manner for things that u wish to appear in your life .. weather that be Love, Job, Happiness, whatever. I think its just seems to become a chore cause its not happening when we want it to .. and we often see it "so called" happening around us to what seems like the most unlikely people. But the reality is that we all are ready for different things at different times in our lives .. and when its ment to be . it will be there ..i am truely a hopeless romantic in that i belive that no matter how many times i have had my heart broken or that i have encountered a frog that i thought i was going to kiss and it turn into a prince and all it did was give me warts ...lol.. that if i stay hopeful it will happen ... so to all that ask this question .. i say ... if love and a relationship is the desire of your heart then u shall have it .. WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT!! so keep the faith..

    DRA  

  9. # Blogger ShawnQt

    Aww Pookie... I can't wait to see how this challenge works. I don't like being the only one in a relationship when if anything, you guys are just as deserving of one as I am.

    I always was big on "true love" and all that, and even when shit didn't go my way, I took the experience for what it is. So hopefully maybe just a change in mind will bring forth what you are looking for.

    :)

    Does hooking you up or sending somebody your way count?  

  10. # Blogger His Daily Variety

    Shawn The world knows I LOVE U! But the last hook. Well it wasnt a hook up, I asked was he nuts, you said No. And Hmmmmm shall I say more?  

  11. # Anonymous twinston1911

    yes, i've actually stated this challenge 2 years ago, and its been great too :)
    thanks for posting this J, i think its a great challenge that us single gay folks need to take.  

  12. # Anonymous Patiently Waiting On YOU!

    I am glad you touched base on this sort of topic. You are definitely not the only individual out here dealing with this type of scenario! My close friend and I often have discussion onwhy we are single as well; we choose to be for lack of picking in the suburban CT area we live in. Trying not to settle for the I am on parole, I don't have a job, and I live with my baby's mom type of dude! My question to you Jared is now that you are opening yourself up, no pun intended, What are you looking for and how responsive are you going to be if someone does approach you with good intentions...? Is your wall, like many of ours chipping away?  

  13. # Blogger Spencer Grant

    Dear Patiently Waiting On YOU!

    Good intentions are the corner stone to any beginning of a good relationship. But life is not founded on good intentions; it’s about optimistic thinking and knowing your end goal. Look, simple there are good people out there, because if there is you, and there is me, then there will be a him! That’s how the universe is balanced. You simple get what you put in. I have had my share of good men I will not play any form of wounded victim, that would just be unmerited. But I will say at this peak in my life, I’m trying my best to work myself back to the middle. My internal balance which we all need! I was told a time ago, by a mentor, that I'd be a force to be dealt with if I loved myself more. I then, was taken a back by this comment, and being immature did not know how to place it, and became upset. LOL now I know more then anything what that means. Laymen terms here. You can’t truly love anyone else, unless you love your self 110%. So to answer your question. No my wall isn’t chipping away, it in reality is just for the 1st time being built. I’m thinking I’ll use the Great Wall of China as a blueprint!  

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