Question of The Week! Wednesday 12/26/2007
7 Comments Published by His Daily Variety on Wednesday, December 26, 2007 at 1:25 PM.
Question of the week!
12/26/08----1/03/08
Usually I have these damn Questions Drummed up in my mind, This week I was at a total blank, not to certain what to write or express. Then as design likes to show its ass. The subject popped up. Simple I spoke with a friend via IM and this question came to mind!
In relationships are we so used to surviving each other, that we no longer know how to love one another? When He or She comes along, would we even notice?
I think we are all living in very strange times right now. Wars, violence, hate spewed by so-called leaders, claiming they act in the name of either God or country or both, we're in a world where there isn't a lot of good news or reason for optimism. On a personal level it's hard to be positive surrounded by so much negativity.
For Black folks and Black gay men in particular, we don't often have a lot of experience seeing or living in healthy, long-term, committed relationships. Past pain, past scars, past rejection makes one skittish. It's hard to trust, open up or allow yourself to feel vulnerable around another person, all of which are needed in order to give and receive love.
Love should be about two people moving towards one another, but too often it is about putting up walls and barriers to keep each other at a distance and prevent a reoccurrence of the worst aspects of past failed relationships.
I guess that's my long way of saying yes to your question.
I know the paradigms of this question well but I will try not to write that much on the subject.
:-)
It does come a time in relationships when things escalate or de-escalate. I think that humans are naturally plugged into some survival energies that even love or loved ones can appear to be insignificant at times. This is not necessarily a negative thing because love endures as do the strong and any love can benefit from the strength of those involved.
Now, what about when that strength becomes overwhelming? This can often lead to personality clashes or bouts of insecurities which is sometimes recognized as positive competition. We are constantly loving one another yet fully focused on our own goals.
Then comes hurt and pain. I will describe hurt as being the purposeful act of setting out to cause pain and describe pain as being the effect or outcome of the hurt action.
I need clarification on thinking behind the clause survive each other but for now I will assume that you could be talking about how do we make sure that we are not left in a painful state behind the hurt of our lovers. Then it also brings up a good point that in survival we have to be agile, willing, and ready to recognize when hurt is being inflicted and have tactics to combat the hurt action. Let's not forget love.
I hate keeping tabs but humans naturally remember past events. We have to love and be loved in such a way that we are still able to maintain our survival instincts and be respected by our lovers for this.
I hate to sound vague, in-general, or off topic but the question invited a broad response.
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A quick followup to my previous post on this topic...you asked would we even recognize when he/she came along.
If you believe in true love then you realize that you can never command love or recognize it at first because a one night stand can turn into a decade of love and passion and sometimes it does not work out that way.
Similar to what you told me about keeping my intentions clear no matter what someone else does is keeping an open heart and mind as not to close ourselves off from that potential love and lover and not hold all persons accountable for the actions of one person.
"Love should be about two people moving towards one another, but too often it is about putting up walls and barriers to keep each other at a distance and prevent a reoccurrence of the worst aspects of past failed relationships."
Amen. Tell Bernie I am going to borrow this statement, lol.
I think we never know what we are looking for until we find it. When you do, you realize it came completely out of the blue and no matter how much you prepare yourself for it, and how much you say you would not date a certain type of person, love happens. It uncontrollable. At least that is how it goes in my head.
So yes, I do believe one can notice, whether you are surviving a relationship or single.
I don't know
I have spent many moons mulling this one over.
For me it takes a very special person. For me it’s all in the eyes!
In my situation I have a medical condition, ALLERGIES! Due to environmental allergies my eyes get VERY RED puffy & itchy. Damn near blinding & leaving me in excruciating pain at times.
Some of the people who I thought cared looked at me differently & also treated me differently.
It’s been a curse & a blessing all in one.
It's like if your partner was in an accident and was paralyzed. Their now forced to use a wheel chair, or if they went blind would you stand by their side? Many say yes of course! Yes of course and run the script, but in the end the eyes never lie. You think something is right until “LIFE HAPPENS” I have lost many many platonic friends & a few lovers along the way. All I thought were right so for me I guess if the right one came along for me its all in their eyes.