Question of the week!
26 Comments Published by His Daily Variety on Wednesday, November 28, 2007 at 3:14 PM.
Question of the Week!
Would you date someone HIV+?
I don't want to post my thoughts as yet!
Question of the Week!
Would you date someone HIV+?
I don't want to post my thoughts as yet!
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WOW! thats kinda deep, in honesty I would say no, for the fear of getting it! I know about the sfae sex issue and all that but in the back of my mind I would always be thinking about it and it would scare the shit out of me! My response is one reason why people hide it, so its like dang if people wouldnt respond the way im responding the person will me more likely to be open and share their status!!
Good question!
protect yourself and you will be fine. HIV/AIDS is not a death sentence like once before in the early 80s people are living longer with it daily. i think a negative and positive person can live a happy normal life. I mean honestly how many people ask people their status and if you do what percentage of those people are open and honest.
Haven't we already??? Whether we want to face the facts, HIV is here and continues to be the leading cause of death in our community and there are more people walking around with it than we can imagine. Ironically enough, it's not the disease it self that is killing us softly but the SILENCE. Through education, resources and PROTECTION, individuals with HIV are continuing to live longer lives. When they advocate "It's better to KNOW" this is not a mere cliche but the truth. Things are far from great but its getting better and we're bridging the gap. Life is about "Choices" and I can respect and be with a person that gives me the choice knowing the cards we're dealt. It's when a person takes that a way from me that's unforgivable.
We always ask for the truth, now what will we do with it!
Great question Shuler!!
I've dated someone who was HIV+ and everything cool for the most part. It takes alot of strength and mental stability because from my experience an HIV+ person can be very self destructive. I had an HIV+ best friend who did everything in his power to push people away who got too close. My ex had the same type of trait and I had to have the ability to combat that.
I agree with everyone else, good question.
When I think about it, I would say No. But knowing how love will sometimes make you do things that you wouldn't normally do, I would have to say... I don't know.
That is such a difficult question... first i would have to say i couldnt date someone who is hiv positive... but if i was in love then that is somthing totally different... but u know what i think a large number of us have unknowingly dealt with someone and not known their status... so who knows nowadays...
Its a really interesting thought, I dont see why not actually. If you are informed about HIV and how its contracted and you take the proper precautions...why not?
Why deny someone your love or deny yourself the love of someone else just because they are positive..is it a lot to handle...probably so but thats with any relationship...not everything or everyone is perfect...Love is supposed to be UNCONDITIONAL.
I don't think so..even with precautions taken, I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with the person. Which of course isn't all there is to a relationship. It doesn't mean you can't have feelings or be in love..but I could never knowingly put myself at risk. **Know who your sleeping with and get tested with them first!!**
funny that question pops up today...
i did date someone hiv positive...i liked him before i found out so it didn't scare me away or anything. but he ended up being an asshole, and even to this day i recently asked him for help and information because a friend of mine is now hiv positive and he didn't respond to either of my 2 emails (one at his msn name and one on myspace) and yet he had the audacity to send a friend request. mothafucka lol i laugh now but it pissed me off
anyway like i told my friend, who's afraid he won't be able to love anyone again, it's possible, i've done it, and i'd do it again. dating someone who's positive isn't a death sentence for either person in the relationship.
Seeing how before i had HIV myself i dated someone that was Poz for almost 2 years...and i never got it. we were care. it wasnt until years later that i contracted it from a randon hook up who didnt know that he had it at all. so to answer ur question yes i would date someone that was positive. and not just because i have it myself. it is really hard to find someone that will date me now that i do have it tho. unless they are poz themselves.
Yes, I would. Chances are we have already slept with someone who is HIV+, without knowing it. I think if someone is upfront about their status and there is a mutual feeling for one another, then why not? Protection is key, and anyone that willingly choses to date a partner infected with HIV simply needs to do research on transmission, lifestyle, etc.
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Wow ... so this is something I don't really share with people. But my partner is HIV+.
And you know what, when he told me this the first thing that came to mind was "why him" - "what can I do to help" ...I just wanted to hold him, kiss him. I didn't even think about how this affected me....I mean did it scare me - well yea it scared the fuck out of me. He told me this before we became sexually active...I mean we did things but never "all the way"...and I couldn't understand why. The sexual tension was there...but he kept that at arms length. And aside from the sexual tension we had developed an amazing friendship. We did all sorts of fun things together. Our times together bring a smile to my face. I'm very sensitve to vibes...and the more I was with him the more I felt a sort of 'fear' from him and I couldn't understand it.
So when he sat me down and told me about his status - he made that much more sense to me. It was very shocking - I remember just sitting there numb....he looked up at me and said - I completely understand if you would just like to be friends and not take this further. DAMN! do you know how that made me feel? And it wasn't like he said it to make me feel bad. He was for real. I had invested alot emotionally at this time. I mean...I loved him. I truley loved this man.
We parted ways that night and he told me to call him the next day - to think about what he had just shared with me and talk to him about it the next day.... I pretty muched cried all night. I was angry, scared, just sick to my stomach.
The next morning I went to his house while he was still sleeping...I layed down next to him - I wanted him to wake up and see that I'm there for him. That this was something that we were going to deal with together. And we have.
I met his doctors discussed in great detail his status, and learned about the treatments he's had, about protection measures....everything you can think of. Communication was and is KEY.
This is not something that everyone understands....but I didn't and don't care. My heart spoke and it was as if he told me he had cancer or if he had been in an accident and lost a limb. I wasn't going to let that be the MAIN factor of our relationship. And we have survived - we have our ups and downs just like any normal relationship. His status is something I don't even think of. I'm aware of it don't get me wrong but its not what makes him who he is.
He has taught me alot about fighting and being strong. Life lessons that I would have never learned any other way.
This is something that is very emotional for me to talk about only because I know how many people are quick to be like 'Fuck no' ....but man Love is so strong. Love can overcome so many things....I mean we all deserve to love and be loved...at least I think.
Well there's my story .... sorry if parts don't make sense or I rambled on....like I said its not something that I share with alot of people...but I respect you alot jared for reaching out to people and being so open about your life. The least I could do is give you a little of my reality. You asked a very difficult question on that blog - one I hope changes the way people are so quick to anwser "No" to.
Besos - S
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At first thought, and because I'm highly protective of my future, I would lean toward saying NO and Let's just be friends.
I don't have many people in my life anyhow so I would be totally emotional to love someone and then have them pass away. I know that HIV can be quarantined with medicines but even that has risk.
I was living with my girlfriend for about 2 years, when I was 17, and then she died all of a sudden. That left me feeling unbalanced and I did not know what the future had for me. She took me into her home when everybody else kicked me out to the curb. I learned to box my feelings up and not allow people to have but so much of my love.
I know that I can love someone who has HIV only because I get attached to people very easy. I'm too sensual and sexual though. I'd wake up yearning for some booty, get to licking him down and ready to stick myself deep inside of him...and I like to go raw and strong. I don't think you can do this with people who have HIV can you?
But I know that if he loved me unconditionally and we had understanding then I could love him, have sex with him, kiss him passionately, and stimulate his mind even though he had HIV or AIDS.
I'd just have to work hard to keep my boo healthy and to stock up on his meds whenever he needed.
But, its all about reality and experience. Talk is cheap. It would take being in this predicament to truly show how I or anybody would act. And then every situation is not the same. You might fall in love with someone who has HIV/AIDS and think that you can handle it, but then find another love 10 years later who has HIV/AIDS and not feel the same way.
People with the virus still feel the need to be loved and to have sex like everybody else. I've never met anybody who had HIV or AIDS. And if I have met someone, then it was only through interaction over the internet. I've never been cared or loved by or cared for or had love for anybody, personally, who has the virus.
I know that if I did know someone who had it then I would always make my shoulder and heart available to them whenever they needed it. I'd fly to the other side of the US every month if they needed.
Not only is this disease killing current generations but it eliminates the possibility of creating future generations.
You can be in a relationship with someone who is HIV positive and not have sex with them unless you are up to the 50/50 chance of contracting the disease.
One would think that now STD's aren't just giving you an itch, it now can give a death sentence. Sex and death is a reality that we have to understand is not worth the loss of life. Yeah sex is amazing and what better way to connect with your lover but is this everlasting love?
I would have to date that person and just be old school traditional frigid. If it lasts for more than 2 years without sex, then you will know that you both have something more than just a sexual attraction. Companionship is far more satisfying. Safe sex is not 100% safe and until we have found a cure, know that you are putting yourself at risk and if you get infected, be responsible and stop the spread at your bed.
A few years ago I sat down and made two lists, of all the Black gay men I considered either friends or good acquaintances, divided into who I knew to be HIV negative or HIV positive. Those who were positive far outnumbered those who were negative.
While I'm as concerned about maintaining my negative status as the next guy, I also know a large and growing number of us are positive. It's hard enough to find a good man out there without limiting the dating pool even further.
The best way to keep yourself safe is to practice safe sex. And you should do that regardless of who you date.
Interestingly, here's an article on the same subject.
As you said "Love is love". If someone i was with had enough respect and love for me to tell me that they were HIV+, id never let something like that stand in the way. There is way to much info about the disease for people to still act like its dangerously contageous. I know people who still are misinformed about it and wont even go close to someone who is HIV+. Love is love, dont let anything stand in the way of it.
i thanks you for sharing your thoughts on the matter people now a days say hell no they wouldnt date someone but if you really care for a person i think majority of people were i was on bgclive a few weeks ago and if you been out there recently you know they have forums nows any who this question was brought up that you talked about now and over 50 percent who took the poll said they would date someone who is positive. just take the neccessary precaution and you and your partner will be ok. this comin from an hiv/aids outreacher worker the last 5 years and also HIV positive for 4 1/2 years, even if i was negative i think i would still would date someone.
I have dated people in the past who were HIV+, I have an open mind and believe in practicing safe sex, therefore I'm okay with it.
I would say that it would depend on what all I have invested with the person. What the possibilities are. But i tend not to eliminate anyone...
yup.
I listened to your video the other day and have been trying to figure out the answer to the question. It's hard for me to say yes or no. I am currently in medical school learning about various disease processes. HIV is at the top of the list of diseases our professors are lecturing about. Learning how the virus works and its negative effects on the body has really opened my eyes to dating and sex. We all have come into contact with some who has the virus whether we knew it or not. I know that people say that condoms are safe and if used properly you will be fine. I honestly can’t see myself engaging in higher risk sexual behavior then I already do. Sex between two men has a high transmission rate of the virus. If just having sex is risky behavior why add the additional stress of having sex with someone you know is HIV positive. I advocate to all my friends and family to know their status. How many of us actually require that our partners go with us before we engage in sexual activity to get tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases? The answer is very few. Who knows one day I might change my mind and be more open minded
Thank you for your thought Doc2010
it is sad when a person thinks that people who have HIV don't deserve the same love they do.
http://justbthat.com
You hit the nail right on the head, man... I don't know if you remember me, but some months back, I was commenting on one of your blogs and I mention that I am currently in a relationship with a man that is HIV+. I think a lot of people that are opposed to it do so rightfully. It's a scary disease. At one point in my life, I never even imagined being in the situation I'm in now. But like you said, love is love... It doesn't dictate how our relationship has worked. It's like any other relationship really... We never argue, yes we've had misunderstandings, but that's it..! lol. So I guess my final thought is that I wouldn't judge the next person for not dating someone that is HIV+ because I know how they feel. I was in their shoes at time myself... But just like I recently told my boyfriend, being with him has taught me a lot about unconditional love. And I continue to love him more and more each day... :)