Question of the week {12-5-07-12-12-07}
16 Comments Published by His Daily Variety on Wednesday, December 05, 2007 at 9:55 AM.
IS AN 'OPEN RELATIONSHIP' BETWEEN A COUPLE (gay or str8) THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP, AND IF SO IS IT CHEATING?'
an open relationship doesn't make sense to me. i'm with you, you're with me, but you're seeing and sleeping with other other people? that's basically an agreement to cheat on me, and you don't care that i cheat on you. where is the substance that builds the relationship in that? might as well just be friends.
Hey Jared
If it's an open relationship its cheating but it's not. By definition it's cheating because you are stepping out side the relationship. However, if the 2 people have an agreement then they really aren't cheathing on each other. But I'm no expert, never experienced this.
Short answer: No and No.
Clearly it isn't the only way for two people to have a long lasting relationship. A great many gay and straight couples have been able to stay together without the need to have others in the relationship.
But what open relationship advocates suggest is that it is hard to find one person who can meet all of your needs, and that if you both acknowledge that fact then establish a set of mutually agreed-upon rules by which you can each satisfy needs not met by your primary partner, that is better than being in a relationship where you are unsatisfied, keep that fact to yourself, then sneak around behind your partner's back.
And it isn't "cheating" if it's an "open" relationship. Open means you are upfront and discussing how to meet your unmet needs with your partner's consent.
Now, just because I know all this stuff doesn't necessarily mean I'm in favor of it. In a perfect world, I would find that one man for me and we'd never need anyone else. But we don't live in a perfect world, do we.
I agree with Bernie. Having an open relationship is definitely not the only way to have a lasting relationship. All relationships are different though and what works for some, doesn't work for others. If both people are open and honest about their agreement, who they see, etc and agree upon the rules.. It isn't cheating.
Open relationships only work if both parties KNOW AND ABIDE by the rule that they set. IF not it is a waste of time and as for if it is cheating it is not because chaeting is the is a breach in a monogamous (pardon my spelling) commitment and "technically" an open relationship does qualify.
Its all fun games until somebody comes home burning, itching, scratching or worse. Or somebody fall in love with the person on the side line. What happens when you burn the candle from more than one end? Not that much wax to go around.
It just depends on the types of people involved, but it's not the only way.
For me, though, that's not a real relationship: that's friends, however close, who ----.
Also, I live by the definition that doing something with someone that you wouldn't do in front of your loved one is cheating.
Of course not. Some couples can be completely monogomous and it will work without any effort. Some it will take more effort. Others, will take a third party to enter to keep the spice going. It is not considered cheating if both parties consent to it. Its all up to the couple, and their standards in their relationship...
Well, If it is a relationship where the two partners have an understanding that they love each other AND wish to be with other people then hey, whatever floats your boat. I know a couple that are together but every once in a while, invite someone into the relationship (usually for the sexual aspect) and....they seem to be fine for the most part.
However personally, I could never do it. Either you want to be with me or you don't. If I go and sleep with someone else even with your full knowledge about it, I'm CLEARLY not that into you.
But to answer your question, yes I think it could work, maybe not forever, but it is possible.
P.S. I just arrived in Milan, it's fabulous...May go to Venice tomorrow or Saturday for the day :)
I agree with Bernie 100%
i think people do open relaitionships because they want to play the field and be with other people but there own personal relationship is rocky but they dont want to lose that person and care for them 2 much. so they both tag along until hopefully one of them gets tired of it. Yes its wrong and i wouldnt condone it.
A couple of my friends had an "open" relationship where open meant one partner was very open about all he was doing on the side while the other pretended to be ok with it (and sometimes got his on the side too). That, to me, is a very dishonest and destructive relationship. (still together 5+yrs i think)
Another couple I know of had a relationship where they were allowed to have casual encounters, which they both did and it didn't affect their relationship negatively. (lasted 3 yrs)
In my case there are things I know i won't be able to provide for my mate and in theory i don't have a problem with him getting elsewhere but i've never had to put that stance to the test so I can't say whether I'd survive an open relationship even tho i consider myself 'open' to one.
I by no means believe "open" is the ideal but it's possible for it to work for some people.
I just loves me some open relationships...LOL...NO
You have to be very aware that open relationships are not as strong as relationships where it's just me and you against the world. Not to say that the people involved in these open relationships do not have a strong connection but they cannot say that they had a strong intimate and sexual relationship where nobody else was allowed to impede.
If you involved yourself in open relationships then you really don't have something strong with just one person. You might as well be upfront with yourself and say that you are single, but, you get your freak on whenever, whoever, and however.
I don't think any one particular relationship style is better than the other because we are all still responsible for our one's self. But I caution those who entertain the open relationship lifestyle because you can't always go back to having a single relationship with that person. You can't trust that they will stop doing what you want to stop doing.
Then that makes me ask if people who engage in open relationships can be trusted anyhow. If you get with someone under this capacity thinking that its a one to one but they are actually involved in a many to one, you get played because they might not tell you that that's how they get down. They might really like you and know that that is the only way they can get anywhere near you is by playing the game that they take relationships seriously when in actuality they do not.
We have to protect ourselves. I'm all about being freaky, having fun, and doing big things in life but I got to deal with people who are straight up about it. It's hard to keep things in perspective when you got someone (or even yourself) out here doing things with other people. What if they do something with someone that you don't like? Or do something with someone that you done already done something with?
I hate being that guy whose guy done been with someone who you don't like or that you just want everybody to see that you got something strong, but in reality everybody know something about your mate that you don't know. If we gonnna play the game then let me know so I can play too....SMILE cutestuff.
Let me say this, It is in plain black and white! Relationships only last when both parties in the relationship want the relationship to last. END OF STORY!
Well its not cheating if you agreed to have an open relationship. Cheating is only a consideration as a violation of the relationship if the understanding is that that act or actions is for one-other person and that agreement is violated by one of the agreeing parties.
A long lasting relationship just means the time together. I have seen open relationships work with couples that have been together forever. I don't see the point. In these relationships I have seen that the couples tend to interact more as companions, buddies almost, then passionate self assured love birds. And I've seen it work best with white men.