Question of the Week (12-12-07 thou 12-19-07)
8 Comments Published by His Daily Variety on Wednesday, December 12, 2007 at 9:33 AM.
Why does it seem we can have great friends around us but would never date them? Are we being optimistic in waiting for what "we want" in love, or just dense?
that is a great question it could be those 2 possibilities but also they may not want to be in a relationship with them because they dont want to ruin what they have right now, as friends.
A lot of it is about attraction. 99% of the time we date people that we are somewhat sexually attracted to. Some people say that looks & sexual attraction don't matter in a relationship and I think that's total bullshit. But as far as our friends are concerned looks shouldn't matter because we probably shouldn't be having sex with them to begin with.
Our friends are our friends for a reason. So often we overlook that bond when it comes to finding a new boyfriend or a new date. As gays our friends are like our family as many of our biological families want nothing to do with us. Just because we don't date our friends that doesn't make that relationship just as special. Our friends are like our family and you don't fuck your family (at least I hope you don't).
As far as being overly optimistic in waiting for what we want in love I think that that's not necessarily a terrible thing. Though we shouldn't expect anyone to be perfect, we shouldn't just settle for the ugly-but-treats-me-real-nice guy or the fine-as-hell-asshole guy either. We should try to link with someone that gives most of what we want and whatever we don't want should be things that we can work around. For example, I don't like guys who smoke but if I find a dude who has a good heart, cares about me, is fine as hell, and a bottom who can ride and suck the hell out some dick, then fuck it I'll work with the smoking thing.
I say you may as well hold out for most of the things you want in a man because if you settle you're gonna be even more unhappy and miserable that you are right now. The shit is not gonna last and you'll be right back in the same place again, just older and more jaded.
-Adam Benjamin Irby
http://AdamsWebLog.com
they say your best friend is the best person to date. i do however agree with adam you shouldnt date your TRUE friends. there has to be a line and boundary there. but shouldnt you start out as friends when u di decide to date someone? so how do u decide who's mate potential verus friend??
becuz great friends dont always make great lovers... ive seen great friends who've tried to date afterwards and it was a disaster.... LOL
a.p who knows. Sometimes we have this dream about love that reality doesn't have a chance.
Who does not dream of finding the perfect mate, soul partner, that perfect lover? Never once entertaining the idea that we already know that person. We have to give love a chance and expand beyond dreams.
I almost laughed out loud when i read this question. Recently one of my very best friends told me he had a crush on me, which i think has been ongoing for probably more than a year. I told him nothing could come of it because aside from the fact that i think doing anything with him would practically be incestuous, i'm jus not attracted to him that way. Those things have already outweighed the possibility of us losing our friendship to a failed relationship as a deterrent, to the point where i had never even considered it.
I used to think that a friend would be the best person to start a relationship with but now that i have such close friends i think it would be boring to start a relationship with someone i already know so well. You're losing out on that whole experience of getting to know the person on both a personal and romantic level simultaneously.
Maybe some people reject this idea for the wrong reasons but, as with everything else, it's something that will work for some and not others so each person has to weigh their situation on their own.
The same rules don’t apply in dating versus friendship you except your friends whole heartily all their little imperfections and all. One tends to be a little more excepting when it comes friendship. In a partner things are a little different. Someone ya date should be a friend first before ya date & hopefully a friend if things don’t workout.
Guess the difference is one of them you have relations with & one means too much to you to risk messing things up.
I know that there is a saying that Friends make the Best lovers but that is definitely not a philosphy that I co-sign. I have to say that The bond between friends are many times so much stronger than that of a relationship. REAL friends have your best interest at heart always and tell you what you need to hear and not neccessarily what you want to here. In relationships, especially new ones, that kind of honest is not consistent throughout. My Best friend Jamaine and I always get approached whenever we go out with one another because people think we are a couple. Yes we area affectionate towards each other but in a brotherly way, I have his back and vice versa which to other people that do not know the dynamics of our relationship may misinterpret that for something more than what it actually is. Like two attractive black men can't just be friends. I feel that crossing that line is treading in dangerous waters because if things don't go the way you planned there is not way that same comfort level friends previously had will exist once certain lines are crossed!