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Facebook; 11:11am Question of the day

You have an openly gay friend that decides to go back to females. Would you support him? Also is there an unspoken rule to now keep your mouth shut about his past?

Aniff Baker

I would support them, regardless of how I feel about the situation and if things dont work out and he decedes to go back to men, I would support him in that also...lol

Charles Baptiste-Williams II

I have a friend who did this and has been happily married for about 4 years now... everybody's life is a completely different journey and i support my friends in whatever decisions they decide is right for them at that time... who am i to judge.

As for his past, if he was with a guy I wouldn't divulge his past so I wouldn’t do it now that he is with a woman.

Brian Batista

Of course...do as you like. And no, I would not keep my mouth shut about his past...the final breakdown is that it's just sex. If your attracted to guys, then females and back to guys then knock yourself out, experience it all...sexual hang-ups can be bad :-)

Khalid Kamau

I would support him if I believed in him.

I would keep my mouth shut, in general, but I'd prolly talk about it w/ my shorty.

Taruan Mabry

I have to say that if they truly believe they are bisexual and will be open and honest to their partner's (dating partners) mutually, I think as a friend its important to be supportive of such a decision. We all have our "things" that some or most just won't get. Doesn't mean we wouldn't want support from loved ones.

Lee Smith

I actually have a freind going through this right now. He has not yet met a woman, but he deperately wants to and is attending "Go straight " ministries with his church . His family constantly chastizes him about how he is going to hell because of his "choice". So yes, I support him on his quest, but I have expressed to him that I know he is truly UNHAPPY and is only on this quest because he hasnt been successful in finding love as a gay man, and feels his life would be easier if he would just "CHOOSE" to be straight. He is realizing how hard that actually is, and how much MORE unhappy he is because of the decisions he is forcing himself to try to make. I think the ultimate support for a freind is to be completely honest with them and make sure that they are are making the most informed and intelligent decision for their lives. Live your TRUTH... life is hard, but its harder when you make the wrong decisions and if your freinds dont call you out when they see a train coming to hit you on your journey!

Dre Day

Basically,I say do what it is that you like in order to make you happy. However your new life does not change our past experiences. The nature of our friendship is that we have times and events that we shared. If I openly and freely talk about them now, there is no way I am going to change who I am and how I interact with you because you made a change. I believe that if your friend was openly gay, he should not have any trouble telling the female about his past gay life. Personally I feel, at least morally, that it is his duty to tell the female.

John San Juan

I liken the way I feel about this to how black girls feel when black men date white women: pure unadulterated, nonsensical rage. I know it's a recession, but it's not like there is a recession ON MEN. Is gay dating so difficult you need to run back to women? I cannot justify my abhorrence, nor can I provide any logical reasoning behind it. I have a friend who says daily he will go back to women and I READ him thoroughly. I personally do not believe in Bisexuality. I always say "Bisexuality is just a layover to GayTown USA." And yes, it's a one-way ticket.

Khalid Kamau

Damn JSJ.. Thas DEEP! Well said.

Khalid Kamau

I've dated both men & womyn. BOTH have their challenges.

Neither one is any easier than the other.

Dre Day

@ JSJ, kudos on the usage of abhorrence, this early in the week. You had your wheaties this morning.

Nicholas Sattaur

i seriously be\leive that its these men that confirms the anti-gay activists that its a "choice". They should not hide their past from any once current. Its deceitful to one's self and to their partner. If their current partner ever asks (assuming she hears about his history) - it you have ever been with a man - he will more than likely say no - which is being dishonest to the person you are currently with. So that said, although he is my friend, i will have to cut the freindship with him - ie not support his decision, as by him doing so makes us as gay men and our community seem weak, confused, and confirms that zsleeping with men is a choice. And anyone that can place such descriptions on my gay community is not deserving of support muchless friendship. And in the end, it is his choice - with or without support. And yes, i will tell his current gf that he used to sleep with men. There is no way, other than social conformity that a man who used to sleep with men, would completly abondon that lifestyle...in then end, he will, without a doubt, cheat on her with a man!

John San Juan

Sorry guys, I can't always be the voice of pragmatism and reasoning on 11:11. I'm human too. When Anne Heche dumped Ellen DeGeneres (and began dating men again...after subsequently professing to being abducted by aliens...Like seriously, WTF... SEE???), I was so livid I wanted to stab her eyes with a searing hot butter knife.

Nicholas Sattaur

@JSJ - i think Anne was just being experimental with Ellen....or maybe it was a publicity stunt...she's not that popular after all....

Rahsaan Scott


Jared Paul Shuler

Well then the question become, what if he gets with these said women, and is going back to men for the "sex" we still as supportive?

Lee Smith

I would wholeheartedly agree with you JSJ. I alo agree that bisexuality is a cop out. Dont confuse the sex "act" with your sexual identity. Yes, even as a gay man, I have the equipment to have sex with women, and stil find women attractive enough that if I had to, I COULD, but do I want to? HELL NO!! Bisexuality to me fuels those who believe that sexual identity is about choice. It places the emphasis on the "sex act". stand up, and be honest about who and what you are. PERIOD!

Nicholas Sattaur

....which is inevitable - once you have that penchant, its only possible to keep it latent for so long - that is why i would not support in the first place

Brian MrIncredible Harris

I had a friend who did this he got married to a female and they had a daughter then after 7 years he felt unhappy and left her and we back to men, I think he had already started cheating anyway, he got into a relationship with a guy for a few months then when it didnt work out he went back to the wife, that lasted a few months then they split again and he got in a relationship with a guy and was moving out of state with him, it fell apart, he was single for like a month then suddenly he says him and the wife getting back together and that was about 3 months ago, I'm just waiting cuz when one don't work he jumps the fence to the opposite sex yet the only woman he goes to is her but he meets different men, I say just be true to who u are and what u really feel. Cuz I think he just ruining this womans life and his daughter with all that flip flopping. He married her cuz his family and church pressured him about being gay, now he go back and forth when one isn't working out. It's sad.

Lee Smith

HELL NO JARED!!! If they are living a double life, they need to be called the F*CK OUT!!! sorry!! Its totally NOT fair to either party involved! It speaks to their cowardice to live an authentic life!

John San Juan

Once again, the overly PC and "love conquers all" responses are too vomitous too early on a Monday morning. YES to: 1. Church pressures, 2. Inevitable male cheating, 3. Supporting the theory that homosexuality is a choice - as reasons why there is a FILM OF INAUTHENTICITY to those who creep back to purported heterosexuality.

Adam Benjamin Irby

AMEN @ John San Juan

Kyon Saucier

As long as he is happy and being real about his situation then I have would have nothing to say.

Jared Paul Shuler

Oh Johnny! LMAO

Tramel A Coleman

Depends on the reason hes "going back to dating women"..And yes i would keep my mouth shut as long as he dont try to convert me over to "dating women",or look down on other gays...I have old buddies that got "saved" and now talks about gays liked he never had a piece of Trade in his BUNS in which isnt cool,so i dont deal with him at all anymore!

Bisexuality is as valid a sexual identity as being heterosexual, homosexual, or anything else. Some people are simply attracted to people of more than one sex. Being bisexual means that you are capable of finding people of your own sex attractive sexually and/or romantically, as well as finding people of another sex attractive sexually and/or romantically. So i cant agree to it being a cop i think a person should be able to be SEXUAL with who ever they choose to as long as they keep it real from the jump...its just like be versatile if you ask me,lol...never the less i dont like TITLES nor LABELS unless in on MY GARMENTS!!!!!.....JSJ i live for ur comments u rock!!!

Arkiem D Legreeoooh

touchy topic. for the most part its none of my business and I dont think I'd tell anyone else unless he was putting someone in harms way. If he's my friend, I'll support him 100% but I would still be confused.

Randall Tuckerseems

seems as though your friend is a little confused to say the least...seems as though he is fighting an internal struggle...I would support him but would make it clear that I would not support him hurting someone else just to work out his own issues/demons....Of course there is an unspoken rule it doesn't matter the type of relationship a friend should never discuss a previous relationship with the current....

Dre Day

I am not supporting nonsense

Eddie Griffith

Of course u support him and yes u keep your mouth shut. He supports u

Christopher White

He is confused, but for a friend I would support him and keep quiet.

Jeremy C. DiPinto

Exactly. He's confused, but let him figure that out on his own. Or he could legitimately be a bisexual. Who knows. But he should know that women are hip to that back and forth nowadays. They don't play that shit. Just sayin:)

Cusio Marcus Hendersonugh!

this question and scenerio is so annoying. Def gives the impression that homosexuality is a choice...Ultimately, those who are still uncomfortable with themselves in my opinion will flip flop until they become comfortable... Definition of Bi-sexual to me....

Sophia Johnson

Ok, this time I read all the comments and here is what I have to say. Sex is an urge, your partner is a choice/preference, and love is uncontrolled.

Sex resulting from urges is going to be awesome. What, when or who is screwed is all about the urge. If you can control your urges and make a choice then you sacrifice your free will.

Who you fall in love with cannot be controlled, it just happens. In my opinion love is a sacrifice. Love makes you sacrifice your free will and it feels right doing it.

I have a very open mind and seeing and hearing certain things, are what they are, whether I like it or not. Hearing Grown ass men and school teachers say they love children is hard to take, but has to be understood. I agree, you cannot choose who or what you desire, but you can choose who or what you sleep with. It‘s all about free will and the sacrifice that is choice.

I am all for free will so yeah, I would support them. If I don't agree, I keep it to myself and do not judge. If your free will hurts others, then your choices are no longer socially responsible and I am all about living in a society that exercises social responsibility. Adults or children should not be hurt by the exercise of free will.

Regarding devulging their past, if they choose to do so, it is none of my business but if their significant other asks me questions, I would hold my tongue long enough for them to come clean. If they further choose not to and I am relied on again by this significant other, I will tell them. I can't stand to see any one confused or hurting. I am not for living life with my eyes wide shut. I took that red pill many, many years ago.

2 Responses to “Facebook; 11:11am Question of the day”

  1. # Anonymous Anonymous

    Ya'll make it seem as if there's something special about gay male relationships. Most of them never last, are full of suspicion and mistrust, cheating and eventual breakup...after about a month!

    Men who decide they've had enough of that usually consider dating and committing to a woman only after long, hard internal debate. In a perfect world we'd all like a happy loving relationship with another man, but that just doesn't happen for most of us. (How many of you who responded have been with someone longer than 5 years?)

    Women want relationships. That's how they're raised. They don't see themselves as complete unless they have a man in their life. To find someone who wants companionship, stability, a family, someone to share experiences and grow old with together--the same things I want--it's easy to give up the empty, meaningless sex you get from men. Because ALL you ever get from men is sex. Nothing more.  

  2. # Anonymous Anonymous

    I agree with Anonymous  

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