Purely looking for a short cut!
As you get into who you are and what you are to serve in this life, we tend to do an ample amount of cloud skipping.
We bounce from one soft cloud to the next. Totally aloof, not realizing that beneath your very feet the cold hard earth lies below. Brown and green and often unforgiving, the higher you are, the harder you fall, (It’s not always a bad thing).
Yesterday I had an impromptu dinner with a fairly new acquaintance with a harsh sharp tongue. As new as he is I have already learned to take it in stride. I can sense his heart is pure, just busy getting out of his own way like most of us. At this mini banquet hosted by Bubba Gumps, a couple sat across from us. One of them was celebrating a “29th birthday for the 2nd time”. Easy, sweet, held eye contact, both smiled brightly contented to meet me. They talked of meeting at a pride one year, and now owning a home together in ATL. They seemed to listen to one another, and no one talked over the other. "Pie in the sky" I thought out loud! They talked of their careers and personal goals they had set for themselves. They in fact were living their best lives separate from one another, and they have made a union that can and will only grow with happiness because of that very fact!
So the question becomes “Are you living your best life?”
Lyrics to Gills And Tails :
I looked at my reflection in the water
thought what an unlikely pair
closed my eyes, held my breath, plummeted down,down,down
and anchored myself there
can't tell how long i've been
in the company of gills and tails
i think i feel my skin
can i come up for air
can i come up, can come up
i'm gettin' eaten up down here
i'm just not built like them
the big fish have a monopoly
the little fish get buried in the sand
this here world i'm in
sucks your life out, leaves you comatose
take back your salt and fins
send me a lifeboat
i look up at longing at the surface
hypnotized by the way the sunlight seems to ride each ripple
and they do a dance
every ray becomes a beckoning hand
i miss the sweet taste of oxygen
i mistook this for the promised land
Building the Bridge between Optimism and reality (Revisited Dated June 27, 06) has anything changed?0 Comments Published by His Daily Variety on Thursday, April 09, 2009 at 11:50 AM.
He walked in oh so lady like, nails freshly manicured, lips a shiny honey tone, not a hair out of place. Linen shirt newly pressed an uncomplicated earth tone that want oh so well with his overly priced True Religion’s, that he chose to wear cuffed. I curse myself! “I hope this aint my damn date, this is the last time I let a fucking straight person hook me the hell up! They think they know two gay people, and it’s a match made in heaven.” We catch eye contact, I sharply dart my head down, hoping he thinks he may have been stood-up. “I don’t give a hell; I can’t be seen here with this lady”. Excuse me. He speaks directly to me about three octaves lower then I thought it would have been. Are you Jordon? He asks. With pressed lips and a hint of spite & vinegar in my voice. I answered a relic dent Yes!!! Well I’m Oliver your date! He says so matter a fact, like he doesn’t know he’s a humiliation. He reaches and extends his hand towards me. I press my firm grip into his, his compress matching mine. We’ll shall we sit? He leads the way. Sure I mumble and proceed to pace to the awaiting table.
I can’t help to wake-up and think. “You aint nothing but a faggot, a disease carrying, no moral having, crafting, abomination of God. Or am I looking though the eyes of the world outside of mine own. A side from the hatred and misunderstanding of the straight world. Is the over laying hate with in our community. The now online classic line, gay man proclamation. “No Fats No Fems!” If you look like the old Star Jones or having anything in common with Richard Simmons don’t contact me, No disrespect, just not my thing!
A community we’re being revered as a bottom is something looked down upon. Not considering there truly isn’t one with out the other. When do us as Gay men, take a glance around us and stop operating as if there isn’t a pink elephant in the room. When do we recognize optimism can only get you but so far? We as the Gay public need to live in our reality. If we keep imagining that this hallucination of a dream man will fall into out laps, and continue putting unrealistic boarder on every man that walks into put lives. We as a society will be a lot further from that dream house on the beach with your mates, and a lot closer to that old negro at the bar asking do you want a drink?
How do we bridge the line of being optimistic or just being plan out stupid? I have observed in life; you have to have a certain amount of optimism to not let the daily grind of life’s bullshit not get to you. But the question is when does being optimistic make you stupid? In each event in life there is a life lesson. Something inherent you should take with you, so you’re not damned to duplicate the same crap. So being optimistic is ok right? Yes, it most unquestionably is, but there is a fine line of knowing when its time to be positive, and a time to be an achiever and not a talker. Letting things happen on their own, without trying to force them or even prevent them from happening, is great. But always know the line. When is too much Optimism, just too much! In life as well as love, it takes a proactive approach. If there is anything in this life, we all should know by now is. Most beautiful things don’t always come in pretty boxes!
During dinner and drinks, I have to say I was significantly entertained. We speak about everything. Music, politics, family, he even backpacked thou Europe like I did. I found out we knew a lot of the same people. We went to neighboring colleges, and had old stories about going to school in the boondocks. Where you could get the best Hush puppies. And where they served the greatest Milkshakes after midnight. We got up to part ways; he reached out to hug me. I allow the embrace and we hold each other for a few seconds. So I hope to see you again, he says. I respond with a most definitely. He turns and wave’s good bye, and then vanishes behind the closing restaurant door. I walk to my car thinking, wow what a nice guy. But I doubt I’ll call him back, he’s a little to gay for me. Well maybe if I make it home in time I can catch a rerun of Golden Girls.
I have been force by the heaven above to spend an ample amount of time alone. So unlike my unique personality, I will try my best to listen. I know I have repeated this over and over. I truly wish I had the true gift of a writer and was able to write at the drop of a hat, to comment about lives in’s and out’s at the drop of a hat. Sadly I have to be deep with in myself to pull out a piece. I'll call myself the Faith Evans of Blogging, a bitch got to be hurt for the masses to hear me. I think as recently I have been digesting life so differently it doesn’t come in the form of pain any more. Its has manifested into stepping stairs. So my kiddies if you have been missing me, that is my lame ass reason. So many things have begun to blaze themselves into my life. I have started counting backwards hoping it would end. I have taken upon myself to get a drink after work each night, mainly because I want to drink. But also to have time with my kiddies again. I have to say I miss you guys and your feed back. I sit in my own mind at times and think how a lone I am in New York, why don’t I ever remember my family in Blog world? You guys have given me more ups then any one person in my life.
Side bar guys, my boss the other day told me "Jared your smart". Now if ya'll know it or not I have an amazing emotional memory, ask me what I did last week you’re fucked. But anything of emotion, call me elephant man. All that to say is, I realized no man in my life had ever said that I was “smart”. Now as a 30 year old man, this feet amazed me. Long story short. PEOPLES WORDS CARRY! IF you think something positive about someone please SAY IT! Those little kind words carry for years. Geez could you image who I would be if I had a male in my early life tell me they believed in me. WOW the thought is scary.